Are some mistakes too big?
by elocing
Summary: Can Callie and Arizona's love overcome bad decisions made by both of them? Can they learn to trust each other despite the past? Arizona is set to return from Africa but how will Callie feel about it? Post 7x09.  M for a reason:


Author 's note: This is just a short intro to what I'm hoping will be a multi-chapter fic. If people aren't too interested though I won't continue. You may not like how some of this goes (sheepish grin). Remember MFEO.

I own nothing. All mistakes are a result of my sleep deprived brain.

Callie

Callie lay beside Mark in his bed staring at the ceiling unable to relax even more than before. As she listened to his soft breathing she felt consumed by the wave of guilt and longing that threatened to overtake her at any moment. She loved Mark and most of what he stood for in her life. He was a constant and he accepted her unconditionally without pretenses or expectations. However, she wishes that it wasn't so easy to get lost in his intense stare or be lulled by his fierce protectiveness of her.

She thought to herself that had just done the one thing that Arizona had feared all along and she didn't know how she could face herself after this. Callie immediately mentally kicked herself for even taking Arizona's feelings into account. Arizona left her and has not responded to her emails and has not even asked Teddy about her. Callie recalled that first desperate email.

_Arizona,_

_I love you more than anyone or anything including Seattle. I cannot see my life without you. We can work this out. I can make trips back home every six months for supplies and see everybody. We can skype until we figure this out. Anything. Just please don't shut me out. Te Amo._

_C_

She received no response to that email or the several that followed. She had tried desperately to hold on to the anger at the blonde beauty but it was of no use. If Callie was really honest with herself what she felt the most was simply just not good enough. Callie's entire adult life had been spent trying to prove herself to people whether it was that she was a good enough surgeon, wife, daughter, or lesbian. She put on the tough exterior hoping people would assume that her self-assured facade was based on something more than just a crafted image. Now it was 4:30am sleep was nowhere to be found. She had just used the best self medication that she knew and yet the pain was as sharp and as fresh as the day she left the airport. No. It was worse. Now Arizona's wasn't the last set hands that made her body sing. Her min wandered back to the last time she made love to Arizona. She couldn't help but think that if she had know it would be the last time she would have savor every caress and every sigh.

"_Arizona! Honey where are you?" the brunette called out as she made her way through the apartment. "I got some cool new hats for the kids and..." Callie was stopped in her tracks by the sight before her. Arizona was fresh from the shower dancing to her Ipod in a purple and red bra and matching underwear while styling her hair in the mirror. Arizona was always slightly reserved when dancing around her girlfriend but Callie got a uncensored look at Arizona's body moving freely and her libido kicked in immediately. The couple had not had much time to spend together with all the preparations to leave so Callie planned to take full advantage of this moment. _

_She approached Arizona from behind and ran her hands down the sides of the milky white skin resting her hands on the swell of the other woman's hips. Arizona sighed and leaned back closing her eyes. Callie brought her mouth down to slowly kiss and lick a hot trail down the side of her lover's neck. Arizona moaned at the contact and pushed herself back into Callie making sure to roll her hips just right to create a light and torturous friction on the brunette's core. _

_Callie couldn't hold back anymore. She turned the Arizona around, her lips never breaking contact with the delicious skin. Without any additional foreplay she moved Arizona's panties aside and swiftly entered her with two fingers. Arizona let out a load moan at the sudden magnificent intrusion. She wrapped her arms around the Latina's neck and lifted herself up wrapping her legs around the brunette's waist. Callie pinned Arizona against the wall and used the extra leverage to thrust harder. Arizona rolled her hips and road as her orgasm quickly approached. The two shared a passionate and breathtaking kiss before Callie bit down on Arizona's sweet spot on her neck. At that Arizona let go and rode out the powerful orgasm until she collapsed in Callie's arms._

Callie closed her eyes tightly and wished the memories away. She had always been a sexual person but sex with Arizona whether it was slow and sensual or fast and primal was always a physical and emotionally fulfilling experience Callie couldn't deny it Mark had made her feel good physically but the problem is you can't filter your feelings. The bad feelings come in with the good and the only way to keep them at bay is to keep losing yourself in the physical sensations.

Arizona

Arizona tossed and turned awakening from a fitful afternoon nap. She was exhausted and had not gotten a good night's sleep since arriving in Malawi. She had been having nightmares for weeks now and there was no end in sight. Her body longed for her sweet Calliope just as much as her heart did but she couldn't give in and contact her just yet.

She got up, went to her desk, opened her laptop and stared at the email that could begin to mend this all. Her finger itched to hit the send button but as she had been doing for the past week she closed the laptop with tears running down her face. This time next week she would be back in Seattle but would she be able to fix what was so irrevocably broken between her and the woman that still held her heart in her hands.

Callie

As she rolled over she was surprised to see Mark watching her.

"Are you alright Cal?" He asked as reached out and gently stroked her cheek.

She closed her eyes and leaned in to the familiar touch. "No" she breathed as she scooted over and laid her head on his chest.

As Mark stroked her back she was almost asleep when he spoke. "Cal this is not what you want. I hate to see you hurting like this. "

Just when he thought that she wasn't going to answer she whispered, "but it's what I need Mark. It's what I need. Just be what I need." She pressed into him closer and fell asleep listening to the steady heart beat of her anchor.

Arizona

Arizona got up for the third time within the hour. She pulled up Callie's final and most heartbreaking email.

_Baby please_

_-C_

Arizona scrolled through some pictures of her and Callie on her laptop. She went straight to her favorite shot. The picture was taken one month after the shooting. It was a candid that Arizona caught of Callie after they had made love all night and she was just waking up. The brunette 's hair was disheveled and several strands lay across her face. Just as Arizona snapped the picture Callie had opened her eyes and smiled being aware of the blonde's presence the entire time. At that moment she had a look of pure unguarded love, happiness, and contentment. Arizona remembers thinking "I am going to spend the rest of my life with this amazing person and I will do anything to keep that look on her face."

Arizona closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened them she pulled up the email and clicked SEND.

She then lay down and fell into a deep sleep filled with images of those haunting eyes filled with tears.

Author's Note : Feedback is good. Let me know how you want this to go:)


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